Long ago, there lived a family with two children. The two children's names were Emily and Harry. They both loved watching TV and playing board games. They had an adorable kitten named Mittens. Mittens followed anyone she saw.
One day, the two children went to the park to play so Mittens followed them. She saw a gigantic tree. She saw a dog coming straight towards her but she had nowhere to go so she quickly ran up the tree. Mittens did not realize how naughty she was going to the park. One second the children saw a cat in the tree. They just realized that it was their cat. Emily and Harry ran home to tell their parents so they got a ladder. They ran back to the park to get their cat down. They put the ladder up gently and safely got their cat down. The family was cheering saying Hurrah Hurrah!!!!!! They went home and celebrated with a delicious blueberry pie.
Well done, Laekin. You have followed the structure of a narrative - orientation, followed by events leading to a problem, then events leading to the solution, and you have used descriptive words in your story. You described the tree as gigantic and the blueberry pie as delicious (adjectives) and you described how Mittens ran up the tree - quickly - and that they put the ladder up against the tree - safely and gently - (adverbs). Add more adjectives by describing Mittens and the dog.
Hi Laekin,
ReplyDeleteI can see that there is a problem in your story and that the characters found a way to solve it.
I like your ending, they celebrated with a delicious blueberry pie. That's a great way to leave the reader. It has left them interested.
I like the word adorable to describe the cat and then naughty later on.
Why were the children going to the park? What did they enjoy doing there? Try to be specific so that the reader gets a clear image. This extra detail also add interest to the story.
Hi Mrs Atkins Thank you for reading my story I do understand and I will discribe why they went to the park.
DeleteWell done for thinking about your writing. It takes a lot of courage to listen to others and try to reflect on our learning.
ReplyDelete